-    Move past and heal difficult events and patterns such as abuse, family dysfunction, trauma, depression, anxiety, PTSD and divorce.

-    Enhance communication and improve your relationships with spouse, family, partner, co-workers and friends.

-    Cope with chronic pain (including pelvic pain) or illness.

-    Deal with life challenges and adjustments.

-    Heal attachment disruptions.

-    Prepare for a happy marriage with premarital counseling.

I work with adults, couples (married, unmarried, and LGBT) and teens. Please explore my website to find out more about my practice. My clients tell me that they enjoy having feedback from a professional, neutral third party to help them sort out life’s challenges. I am a warm, approachable, down-to-earth person who loves my work and the community that I serve.

I offer a free 20-minute phone consultation so you can have your questions answered without having to commit to an appointment and so you can feel confident as you move forward that this will be a good fit for you. Find out more about my clinical interests on my Specialties page. Even if your specific issue is not listed I invite you to contact me via email or phone to find out if I can help you.

If you have any questions please call or email me. My office is in Roseville, adjacent to Highway 80 and the neighboring communities of Rocklin, Auburn, Lincoln, Granite Bay, Fair Oaks, Folsom, Citrus Heights, Carmichael, and Sacramento. I serve both Placer County and Sacramento County residents. Email is the quickest way to reach me at lsplumer@yahoo.com or via phone 916-952-7187. Lindsey Stewart Plumer, LMFT (MFC#43983).

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What is a Wellness Plan (WP)?

Simply put, a Wellness Plan is a contract with your Self that outlines how to provide good self-care during difficult times.  A Wellness Plan can help reduce symptoms of anxiety, stress, depression, grief, trauma and/or ptsd.  A good Wellness Plan can sometimes even minimize negative patterns in relationships and in our lives and improve our physical health.

What types of things does a Wellness Plan include?

A really good WP typically includes support for your body, your mind/psyche and your spirit.  It includes a list of people that can provide support during difficult times and it specifies what type of support they are fantastic at providing.  A WP often includes reminders about your long-term goals and your strengths.  Most importantly, WPs include a list of good self-care from exercising to preparing and eating a nourishing meal.

This month’s assignment:

Make a list of supportive people in your life.  Know that no one person will be 100% perfect at providing support, so examine closely what people bring to your life and make a little note about what that might be.  For example:

My neighbor-always available for a quick cup of coffee.

My brother-his laid back attitude helps me keep things in perspective.

My pastor-spiritual support.

My partner-provides emotional support and physical closeness.

My dogs-unconditional love and fuzzy snuggles.

Checker at the grocery store-I don’t know her that well but she’s always positive and tells funny jokes.

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Holidays can be a bittersweet time if you are an adult with a history of abuse or neglect in your family of origin.  As a child, holidays are filled with anticipation and magic, children hold onto the hope that this holiday or new year will be amazing and wonderful.  If you grew up in a home where there was abuse or addiction, holidays could be filled with anxiety and disappointment.  It’s no wonder that many adult survivors of abuse approach the holidays with a mix of anxiety and anticipation.

So now that you are an adult you get to do things differently, but it’s hard to not be flooded with memories and feelings of years past.  In order to re-claim the holidays for yourself think of the following tools:

-Create new holiday traditions that are different from your family of origin in order to really own them and make them yours.

-If you choose to use holiday traditions from your family of origin claim them as your own by being clear about why you choose to continue them.

-Select to have alternative or additional holiday celebrations with friends if family events are too emotionally charged.

-Work in DAILY self-care such as exercise and meditation in order to counteract all of the excess that goes on this season.

-If you choose to stay connected with family that still pushes your buttons, surround yourself in a “bubble” of light before you interact with them and resolve to experiment with different reactions to see if those reactions feel better.  For example, if you typically get upset in response to negative comments, what about remaining detached or using humor?  Change it up and see what happens.

-Of course, get some support if you need or want it.  You already deserve it.  Call today for your free 20 minute phone consult.  Well…call after the holidays.  I’ll be back January 5, 2012.  

Wishing you a peaceful and magical holiday season,

Lindsey Plumer

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Ten Tips For Healing After an Affair

I know that as the injured partner it is hard to think you could ever open your heart or forgive your partner but please know that with skilled counseling and time that in some cases your relationship can move forward.  Please contact me at 916-952-7187 or lsplumer@ yahoo.com in order to discuss your situation and find out how I might be able to help.

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“The Constant, Crippling Pain…”

One of the things the article mentions is that many women have to wait eight years for a diagnosis. Imagine eight years in excruciating pain that isn’t validated by a doctor and with no pain relief. I really encourage my anyone reading this blog who is living with chronic pain to continue to try to find relief or a cure.

Counseling can also help chronic pain. Obviously supportive counseling can help encourage a pain patient to continue searching for relief and deal with the emotional impact. But cognitive behavioral therapy and EMDR have both been shown to help reduce the perception and experience of pain.

Keep looking until you find an answer and relief.

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Whether you know me as a client or a personal friend you know I’m really insistent about exercise. It’s good for just about anything that ails you, including and especially depression. It is free, has no side effects if done correctly, and can be squeezed into almost any schedule. As the owner of a business and mother to a small child, I know it’s hard to carve out time for self-care, but try and look at exercise as “basic hygiene.” If you look at it as essential as brushing your teeth you will find it’s a little easier to fit it in. Regular exercise will pay off in dividends with your mood and physical well being. Just get out there and get moving!

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                As I sit to write this I want to be clear-NO child deserves to be abused.  But probably since the dawn of time it has happened and for the foreseeable future human nature suggests it will continue to happen. I have worked in social services for over 10 years.  In each of my jobs I have worked with abuse survivors on one level or another.  At one point I provided direct counseling to children who had recently had a CPS case opened due to abuse.  Sometimes these children still bore the physical injuries from these incidents.  In other jobs I worked with adult abuse survivors.  I have found a handful of traits that in my opinion are some of the hidden gifts of an abusive childhood.

                The negative symptoms of an abusive childhood can range from intense depression, anxiety, flashbacks,  to difficulties in relationships and self-worth issues.  Not all survivors will experience these symptoms.  Some experience symptoms only at certain times in life-such as times of extreme stress or life transitions.  Some people may go many years without symptoms or symptoms resolve without treatment.  Sometimes people can go a many years without symptoms and them have them crop up seemingly out of nowhere.  These are the negative legacies and they can vary from person to person.  Therapy can be helpful when symptoms begin interfering in your enjoyment of life and your relationships, or if you feel suicidal or unable to cope.

                But what are these hidden gifts I speak of?  Working with so many survivors I have found the following traits seem to be consistent:

• Intuition.  Survivors have an intuitive ability to read other people’s emotions and intentions.  Abused children often become adept at reading people’s body language, vocal nuances, and facial expression in order to interpret if an abuser is escalating to the point the child may get hurt.  However this skill remains into adulthood giving the survivor the ability to read the emotions of loved ones, co-workers, friends and even strangers.  Survivors are often deeply intuitive and can even use this skill to stay safe and make big life choices.
• Resiliency.  Survivors have been through difficult things and know they can and will get through adversity.  While survivors are just as prone react to the everyday stressors of life as anybody is, when pressed they know that they can get through adversity and can count on themselves. 
• Loyalty.  Children abused by primary caregivers often remain intensely loyal to these caregivers.  For somebody who has not experienced abuse firsthand this is a deeply perplexing trait.  But as adults, these children grow to be people who understand that even people we love are imperfect.  Of course, this trait can be exploited.  But in healthy relationships the loyalty of an adult abuse survivor is an admirable trait. 

A history of abuse is not just part of your personal history; it’s also a piece of your spiritual and medical history.  One of the best things you can do for yourself as an adult abuse survivor is providing yourself with excellent self-care and effective professional help if leftovers from your childhood begin interfering with your life.   Know that counseling, EMDR, good lifestyle habits like diet and exercise, healthy personal relationships and spirituality can balance the effects of a difficult childhood so you can enjoy the gifts and leave behind the pain.

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