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The Hidden Gifts of an Abusive Childhood

                As I sit to write this I want to be clear-NO child deserves to be abused.  But probably since the dawn of time it has happened and for the foreseeable future human nature suggests it will continue to happen. I have worked in social services for over 10 years.  In each of my jobs I have worked with abuse survivors on one level or another.  At one point I provided direct counseling to children who had recently had a CPS case opened due to abuse.  Sometimes these children still bore the physical injuries from these incidents.  In other jobs I worked with adult abuse survivors.  I have found a handful of traits that in my opinion are some of the hidden gifts of an abusive childhood.

                The negative symptoms of an abusive childhood can range from intense depression, anxiety, flashbacks,  to difficulties in relationships and self-worth issues.  Not all survivors will experience these symptoms.  Some experience symptoms only at certain times in life-such as times of extreme stress or life transitions.  Some people may go many years without symptoms or symptoms resolve without treatment.  Sometimes people can go a many years without symptoms and them have them crop up seemingly out of nowhere.  These are the negative legacies and they can vary from person to person.  Therapy can be helpful when symptoms begin interfering in your enjoyment of life and your relationships, or if you feel suicidal or unable to cope.

                But what are these hidden gifts I speak of?  Working with so many survivors I have found the following traits seem to be consistent:

• Intuition.  Survivors have an intuitive ability to read other people’s emotions and intentions.  Abused children often become adept at reading people’s body language, vocal nuances, and facial expression in order to interpret if an abuser is escalating to the point the child may get hurt.  However this skill remains into adulthood giving the survivor the ability to read the emotions of loved ones, co-workers, friends and even strangers.  Survivors are often deeply intuitive and can even use this skill to stay safe and make big life choices.
• Resiliency.  Survivors have been through difficult things and know they can and will get through adversity.  While survivors are just as prone react to the everyday stressors of life as anybody is, when pressed they know that they can get through adversity and can count on themselves. 
• Loyalty.  Children abused by primary caregivers often remain intensely loyal to these caregivers.  For somebody who has not experienced abuse firsthand this is a deeply perplexing trait.  But as adults, these children grow to be people who understand that even people we love are imperfect.  Of course, this trait can be exploited.  But in healthy relationships the loyalty of an adult abuse survivor is an admirable trait. 

A history of abuse is not just part of your personal history; it’s also a piece of your spiritual and medical history.  One of the best things you can do for yourself as an adult abuse survivor is providing yourself with excellent self-care and effective professional help if leftovers from your childhood begin interfering with your life.   Know that counseling, EMDR, good lifestyle habits like diet and exercise, healthy personal relationships and spirituality can balance the effects of a difficult childhood so you can enjoy the gifts and leave behind the pain.

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